My tools and my heart

Both of which are broken. Banished to the deepest dungeons and depths of the world, and you could careless. You don't want to find me, I want you to care. You let her turn you like a key. Everything I do, you can hardly bear. All she does is take advantage, and you don't mind. I wish I could be like her. I would, for you, just give me some time.

So I start to get fuckin' nervous because I asked you out for drinks to talk and you agreed.

I'm smokin' a cigarette, stressin' because I don't know what we're supposed to talk about.

My throat's dry and I down a pill and chase it with vodka. Yeah we could start off with her.

But you'd get offended and leave. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. So Fucked Up!

Fine, I'll keep it casual. But You told me I should try...try?

What the fuck does that mean!

So I fuck it and get ready. Puttin' on my black torn-up jeans, silver stilettos, and grey off-shoulder tee, I grab my purse. Mantras aren't goin' to enlighten my mood but I'm hopin' I can muster some courage when you pick me up.

We're at the bar and it's goin' well. You're nuzzlin' my neck with miniature kisses, and words are pourin' easily out of my mouth. You nod in agreement as I talk, but you continue on touchin'. Whisperin', "let's go off somewhere." I guzzle my martini and pay the bill. While we're walkin' out, you can't stop touchin' me. Your fingers' tips leavin' prints everywhere. We hardly make it out of the door before you pull me into an empty booth and you start to kiss me...you kiss me like she never existed. You kiss me like I've never felt you kiss me before. It feels like a medley of simple gropin' explosions as you're on top of me and your mouth is movin' so keenly, and soft. Then you stop abruptly, because you're phone goes off.

And you fuckin' ditch me for her while we're on a date.

Yeah, you left me there in that booth alone. "Mhm, I have to go."

What?

"That was her, she needs me. It was nice seeing you again, bye."

Like we never did anything...but talk, and catch up on things.

So I walk down to the subway.

But miss my subway and wander off, down the tracks and hop into an electrical duct. I have a headache.

I take out my bottle of aspirin and Tequila.

I count out 5 pills and stick them on my tongue. They taste like shit dissolving so I swallow them with Tequila. Then I start a never ending circle, 5 pills, and a chaser of Tequila. 5 more pills, and a chaser of Tequila...etc.

I knock out when I finish my bottle of aspirin. The drugs are kickin' in. I fall unconscious in an electrical duct, a subway passes by. and another, and another. and this will keep happenin' until maintenance comes down and finds me, finds my body, finds me dead.